“It’s just Footy” says unpatriotic local who should just fucken get amongst it

THE GREATEST VIEW FROM WHERE? Celebrations continue this week in the lead up to the grand final. But Tighes Hill woman Celeste West had decided to take a stand on the one topic uniting millions.

“I don’t understand the big deal. Like, I get it, it’s nice for Newcastle to win a game or two. But it’s just footy. Life goes on for the rest of us.”

“People painting houses and taking the next two weeks as leave have gone soooo overboard.”

The Standard questioned Ms West about what was so offensive about getting amongst the local spirit, but couldn’t quite congeal an answer.

“I’m sorry but we need to stop acting like some guys throwing a ball are royalty” she said, between excusing herself while she scrolled vinted.

A man ran past Ms West during the course of our interview, painted head to toe in red and blue body war paint.

We are not yet able to confirm whether he was streaking.

When the local mascot overheard Ms West’s comments about royalty, he screamed at a decibel so loud and powerful it burst the eardrums of our reporter, Ms West, and everyone in a 4 kilometre radius.

The staunch patriot screamed:

“BLASPHEMY YOU DOG.

DEFEND THE KINGDOM.

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SUPPORT THE MEN WHO SAVED THIS CITY, YOU’RE NOT MADE FROM THE COAL DUST, DETERMINATION, AND RESILIENCE THAT BUILT OUR MIGHTY EMPIRE.

The cries of the unidentified man are said to have been heard as far away as KFC Palais.